The cast of The Movie Parody Network: “Not as good as I had hoped, not as bad as people say,” Kenneth Valiant, director.

Julius Caesar Montegue

Julius Caesar Montegue comes to the Movie Parody Network with a theater pedigree that is the envy of all who have no pedigree whatsoever. Due to an unfortunate brouhaha involving missing ladies undergarments at the Orpheum Theater, Julius decided that this would be a good time to make the leap from theater to the grainy black and white world of television broadcasting. Theater’s loss, television’s gain, that sentiment, depends on whether you’re a theater person or a TV person.

Audrey Fitzgerald

Audrey Fitzgerald. Audrey hails from Wisconsin. Her previous credits include the voice of Bossy the cow in the short lived TV show Bossy, the non-milk producing cow of Cowabunga County, understudy for “Shut Up, You Don’t Have any Brains”, and lead puppet in Garage Puppet Theater’s version of “Don’t I Rate a Whistle?” Audrey decided it was time to leave Wisconsin and start a new life across state lines after she accidentally burned down the dairy tent at the Cowabunga Cheese Festival. In addition to her parents, she’s like to thank the guy that gave her a ride to the audition, but she doesn’t know his name, only that he smelled like cabbage.

Montgomery P. Shaw

Montgomery P. Shaw came to the Burrheado Brothers under mysterious circumstances. Without a proper resume and headshot, no one knows exactly why he was hired. The only thing that we know about him is that he has a keen interest in the outcome of boxing matches and an intensely guarded private life. Since arriving at Burrheado Brothers, things have mysteriously gone missing, I don’t want to point fingers, but when something goes missing Monty shows up the next day with a new watch or a new hat, you figure it out.

Dylan James

Dylan James comes from the part of the south that no self respecting person admits that they’re from. Amongst her many accomplishments was being crowned Miss Mobile Home Manufacturing, where she also had the dubious distinction of being the only person to lose the title when it was later discovered she had no intention of helping underprivileged children. After a self-employed career in exotic dance, she discovered the world of acting. With her ability to remember most of her lines and not run into the furniture, Dylan turned out to be a natural for the Movie Parody Network. Thinking that this would be a great opportunity to unleash her artistic side, or at the very least draw a decent paycheck… she’s 0 for two.

Blake Pliskin

Blake Pliskin is one of those rare persons that you thankfully only run across once in a lifetime. After honing his acting craft on the dinner theater circuit, he stumbled into bottom tier television broadcasting. Among his many television credits are the “drunk number three’ from the TV show “Let’s Get Hammered”, Peppy in the after school special “What the Deuce?”, and bit parts in the pilots “Crimes against Fashion”, “Cry Babyitis”, and the musical comedy, “Sweatshop Children.” Blake’s favorite sound is of martini shakers. “It’s like the rhythm section of my life”, he says. “When I was offered a part in The Movie Parody Network, I remember thinking to myself, “I’m not doing anything else”,

Monkey Monkey

An unfortunate offhand remark by director Kenny Valiant, led to the hiring of Monkey Monkey, a refined and cultured Bonobo chimp with a keen sense of gambling. Always looking for ways to save money, the Burrheado Brothers signed Monkey Monkey to a contract even though he can’t even speak the King’s english. Monkey Monkey’s talent lies in his amazing ability to hit his mark and chatter on cue. But with every upside comes a downside… chimps have a disgusting habit of flinging their own poo.

The crew of The Movie Parody Network:

The Burrheado Brothers

Ever since being thrown out of their hometown of Arcola, Illinois for pronouncing the “S” at the end of Illinois, Cedric and Dexter Burrheado have led a colorful life. After a brief career straightening chicken necks, the realization that they had thumbs and marmots didn’t, led them onto the inevitable path of movie producing.  Their first order of business after starting their broadcasting company was to come up with a corporate slogan. After the slogan “All I want is what I have coming to me” was deemed too confusing, it was soon replaced by “Write down your problems, put them in your pocket and get back to work”, which, as it turns out, was too long for a business card. It was agreed to just go with “Dignity is Overrated”. Short, sweet and best of all, it was short.

Kenneth Valiant

Helming the creative end of The Movie Parody Network is director Kenneth Valiant. For many years, Kenneth Valiant was a renowned and respected theater director, but he had a fatal weakness… women. He claims he was lured by a woman named Avalon to a meeting of The Forward Thinking Peoples Front with the promise of free food (his story anyway). It’s rumored he has been blackballed by the Citizens Scrutiny committee. Now Kenny has sunk into the only job he can get: directing live broadcasts at Burrheado Brothers Television Broadcasters in the film noir division. Kenny has been quoted as saying, “just for the record, I hate everything about this show. When my movie deal comes through, I’m such a ghost.”

Alice Burrheado

Alice Burrheado; script writer; niece of the Burrheado Brothers. Nepotism. Need we say more?  To make matters worse, the only thing written by Alice Burrheado, up until this time was nothing more than letters to her uncles begging for a job. Alice still wrestles with the concept of beginning, middle and end as well as how to write a proper flashback.

Mr. Ogg

Mr. Ogg is the only person who does real work at Burrheado Brothers. His job entails live switching, performing voice overs and narration, sound effects, and keeping to himself. Only Mr. Ogg can truly understand how the antiquated equipment works. In fact he has a saying that he’s quite proud of: “if you can’t fix it, you’re not using a big enough hammer”.

Mrs. Grudcian

As the number one (and perhaps the only ) fan of the the Movie Parody Network, Mrs. Grudcian likes to watch to the very end of each episode. “I like watching everything because stuff happens,  and that changes things,” she says.

She also says, “I like to vacuum dogs.”

Swinton Pitts - Cameraman

Swinton Pitts is like your great uncle, (the one that smells like your grandpa, but you don’t have to call as often) he’s cranky, oatmeal-stained and he mumbles to himself. And while these qualities make for a good cameraman, it’s best not to turn your back on him.