Director Kenneth Valiant takes a chance by using the television studio staff as extras in his live broadcast of The Maltese Maltese. Backstage, Julius pawns his role of Joel Cairo off on Dylan James.
A mysterious dame hires Sam Spade, Miles gets a surprise and Effie files her nails while contemplating … her nails.
Bridgid O’Shaughessy is tricked into learning conversational Esperanto. Joel Cairo attempts to search Sam’s armpits. The irony of Guttman’s name is discussed.
Sam trades punches while Guttman stuffs his gut and Cairo searches more armpits. Captain Jacobi walks the dog for the last time, a unanimous decision is made to throw Wilmer under a bus and the continuity girl takes the day off.
Audrey Fitzgerald says the “S” word live on the air… or did she? Guttman is thwarted by his large stature, Sam turns down an invitation to go on a field trip, and it’s discovered that the Maltese, Maltese is not made from the same stuff dreams are made of… not even close.
